Friday, January 11, 2019

Funny Friday


In the words of Monty Python, and now for something completely different . . . 

I came upon a funny, but sad, story yesterday, which I set out below. 

It also sets the theme for today’s Funny Friday, true stories of people who have screwed up bigtime but often in amusing ways. 

Daddy announces the sex of his baby . . . 

These days people don’t just get an ultrasound and tell friends and relos what the sex of the coming baby is, they now have “gender reveal parties”. So it was with US border agent Dennis Dickey (a worthy name for a story in Funny Friday) and his wife Rita in April 2017, who wanted the moment they revealed their baby’s gender to be memorable. What more appropriate American way for Dickey, who lived in the Arizona, to do so than by firing a gun. He set up a target with coloured powder but no one knew whether the powder was blue or pink. That would be revealed when Hickey blasted the target, causing it to explode and release the coloured powder. Memorable, right? 

Unfortunately, the target contained the explosive Tannerite. When he shot the target, it started a fire that raged for a week along Arizona's Highway 83. Known as the Sawmill fire, it took 800 firefighters from 20 agencies and $8m to tackle the blaze, which forced hundreds of people from their homes. 

Here’s a video of the moment . . . 

He pleaded guilty in September to a misdemeanour charge of starting a fire without a permit, copping five years probation and being ordered to repay the $8m firefighting cost, with an initial payment of $100,000 and monthly payments of $500. It has been suggested that he may not have to pay the complete $8m. 

According to Dickey "I feel absolutely horrible about it. It was probably one of the worst days of my life." 

Daddy announces the sex of his baby #2: 

The Dickey gender reveal happened by way of accident, what could have gone terribly wrong but didn’t was when Louisiana man Mike Kliebert revealed the gender of the baby his wife Rebecca was carrying. He put a hollowed out watermelon in the mouth of a FBA (big alligator) which sprayed blue jello when the FBA chomped down on it. Mike and his wife are alligator wranglers and he said afterwards "Being that alligators are part of our family, we wanted to include them in our gender reveal.” That might hold true for Mike but what is equally alarming is the number of people standing close by watching, including his pregnant wife and their son (who has to get out of the way of the gator). Here is the video clip, watch to the end . . . 

Mike and his wife have also copped flak from animal rights activists for alligator abuse. 

Another sad but funny, a repost . . . 
In September 1960, a male inhabitant of the Haslemere Home for the Elderly in Great Yarmouth died of a cardiac arrest after fellow resident, 81-year-old Gladys Elton, performed a striptease. Five more of the inmates were consequently treated for shock. 

In 1961, there were three more deaths at the Haslemere Home after one of the other residents, 87-year-old Harry Meadows, dressed up as the Grim Reaper and peered through the window brandishing a scythe. 
This second incident closed down the home.  
Haslemere has the largest elderly population in Surrey.  

In November 1940 the Japanese Government launched the Musashi, a FBB (big battleship), big being the operative word: one of the two largest and most powerful battleships ever built (the other one being her sister ship Yamato), the Musashi boasted a displacement of over 65,000 metric tons (72,000 tons) when fully armed and possessed 46-centimeter (18.1 in) guns with a range of nearly 37 kilometers (23 mi). In addition, the giant battleship bristled with myriad smaller guns, including as many as 150 anti-aircraft batteries. 

But as Robbie Burns once said, the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry, or as put more succinctly by one Travis Dane, assumption is the mother of all fuckups. 

That same size and weight of the Musashi caused such a water displacement on launch that it created a metre high (3.3 feet) tsunami that flooded the surrounding residential areas of Nagasaki and capsized nearby fishing boats. 

(Musashi was sunk by an estimated 19 torpedo and 17 bomb hits from American carrier-based aircraft on 24 October 1944 during the Battle of Leyte Gulf. Over half of her crew was rescued. Her wreck was located in March 2015 by Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen and his team of researchers.) 

A reposted funny so that the change in format today is not too stressful . . . 

A Russian and an American wrestler were facing off for the Olympic gold medal. Before the match, the American’s trainer came to him and said “Don't forget, this Russian has never lost a match because of his pretzel hold. If he gets you in it, you're finished.”

Immediately after the match began, the Russian got the American in the devastating pretzel hold. The trainer couldn’t watch any longer, so he turned away. Suddenly, there was a scream, and cheers from the crowd. The trainer looked back to see the American had won the match. 

Back in the change room the trainer asked “How did you get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!” 

The American answered “Well, I looked up and saw this pair of balls right in front of my face. I thought I had nothing to lose, so with my all my strength I bit those babies just as hard as I could.” 

“So!” the trainer said, “That's what finished him off!” 

“No, but you'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own balls! 

Corn Corner:

Breaking News... 
My wife is leaving me as she thinks my job as a reporter is taking over everything I do. 
I'll keep you updated with any developments. 
More later..back to the studio. 

Q: What’s pink and wrinkly and hangs out your underwear? 
A: Your mother. 

No comments:

Post a Comment