Monday, January 14, 2019

The Barrel of Bricks

A repost.

Caution: risqué content 

The Barrel of Bricks

I recently came across again the item known as The Barrel of Bricks. It can be found in may versions – English, American, Irish – but in my opinion the best remains Italian. It’s approaching one hundred years old, it’s non PC, it’s dated and it’s funny. It’s worth posting again. 

Mythbusters tested it and found the events plausible: 


Dear Mr Manager Generalissimo 

I, Luigi Guiseppi Santiago, comma from Italiano and gotta a job in your kinda firm on a bigga building downa town. 

When I getta to the job yesterday, the boss he say I gotta bringa the bricks a down from the fiftha floor. 

So I getta some rope and a beam and a pulley and a bigga wooden barrel and makea the hoist and hoista the barrel upa to the fiftha floor,. Then I tiea the rope downa at the grounds floor. When I filla the barrel with bricks, I comma down and untiea the rope. 

The barrel, she’s a more heavy than me and as she comma down I goa up. 

But, Sir, I notta let go of the rope. 

Halfa way upa I meeta the barrel, she’s gotta a sharp bit catcha onna end of my cock. When I reach the fiftha floor, I banga my head onna the beam, jamma my fingers ina the pulley, getta the concussion, breaka four fingers and have a sixty foota cock. 

But, Boss, I stilla notta letta go of the rope. 

When the barrel she hitta the ground, the arsa she fall outta him and alla the bricks they falla on the ground. Then I getta heavier than the barrel and starta come down. 

Halfa way down I meeta the barrel again, she hitta me and skinna my shin, breaka my kneecap and the sharpa bit she rip offa my left nut. I keepa going downa till I hitta the bricks. I getta the cuts all over, slippa the disc inna my back and breaka my leg. 

Mr Sir Boss, THEN I letta go ofa the rope. 

The barrel she comma down again. 

She hitta me anda breaka five of my ribs, knocka out alla my teeth and breaka my jaw. 

Now, Mr Boss, this isa my problem. 

My wife she say she leava me because she don’t a want a husband witha one nut, no teeth and a sixty foota cock like a piece of string. 

The foreman he calla me a stupid dago bastard. This notta true. I naturalised Australian bastard. 

My doctor he say I might havea to go to hospital. 

Mr Boss, what I wanta know is a how much I gotta pay for the barrel I breaka. 

Luigi Guiseppi Santiago

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