Friday, March 1, 2019

Funny Friday


A word of caution for Funny Friday readers, there is risuq contenet ahead. 

Enjoy, Byters . . .

Some jokes: 

An older Jewish gentleman marries a younger lady, and they are very much in love. However, no matter what the husband does sexually, the woman never reaches orgasm. They go to their rabbi for advice and he says “Hire a good looking young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help her fantasize and orgasm.”

They go home and follow the rabbi’s advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love. It doesn’t work. So they go back to the rabbi and he tells them, “Let’s try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them.” 

So they go back home to follow the rabbi’s advice again. The young man gets into bed with the wife and the old man waves the towel. The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous, room shaking, screaming orgasm. 

The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly, “Schmuck, THAT’S the way you wave a towel!” 

It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets, and when he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be. 

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared. 

But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?" 

"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed," the meteorologist at the weather service responded. 

So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared. One week later he called the National Weather Service again. "Is it going to be a very cold winter?" 

"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter." 

The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find. Two weeks later he called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?" 

"Absolutely," the man replied. "It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever." 

"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked. 

The weather man replied, "The Indians are collecting wood like crazy." 

From the days of George Dubya . . . 

President Bush, newly elected, calls in the head of the CIA and asks, “How come the Jews know everything before WE do?” 

The CIA chief says, “It’s because the Jews have this expression, ‘Vus Tutzuch? (What’s doing?)’ They just ask each other and they know everything! “ 

George Bush says that he has to see it to believe it, and he wants to personally go undercover. 

He gets dressed up (the hat, beard, etc…) as an orthodox Jew and is secretly flown under radar in an unmarked plane to New York, where he is picked up in an unmarked car and dropped off in Brooklyn’s most Jewish neighborhood. 

Soon this little old Jewish man comes shuffling along and George whispers to him, “Vus Tutzuch?” 

The old guy whispers back, “Did you hear President Bush is in Brooklyn ?” 

Limerick of the week: 

There was a young lady from Bude, 
Who went for a swim in the lake, 
A young man in a punt, 
Pulled her out by the leg, and said 
"You cant swim here, its forbidden."


Some claassic art memes . . . 


Corn Corner: 

From the vault: 

When Princess Di was a youngster, she took Ken and Barbie out of their dreamhouse and set them on fire. 

After 20 minutes, the only thing still alight was Barbie's foot. 

It seems her Ken doll burned out long before her leg end ever did.

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