Sunday, October 13, 2019

"We Want Plates", revisited . . .

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From the website of the same name, which states that it “crusades against serving food on bits of wood and roof tiles, chips in mugs and drinks in jam jars.” 

Here are some of the more recent submissions from the contributors and selections of the reader comments . . . 

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We ordered beef bulgolgi and it came in a measuring cup: 


Reader comments: 

Really? It looks tacky to me. Like I do this shit when I run out of bowls at home tacky. 

Personally I don’t mind knowing I’ve consumed 2 pints of meat 

These things are perfect for 2 minute noodles in the microwave, much better than a bowl. They're heat resistant and won't overflow because the sides are taller. Plus they have a handle. Now if you want your restaraunt to be on the level of 2 minute noodles I think you might have something wrong with you. 

Yeah, if I'm eating out of a measuring cup, I probably also don't have pants on. I don't think the restaurant would be OK with that, so they should just use a normal bowl. 

Its like a bowl but better because it has a handle 

It looks so dry... 

That's what happens when you separate the meat from the juices and sauce it can sit in by like 3 to 4 inches... What a horrible serving dish let alone plate. 

Nothing like some soggy rice to go with your bulgogi jerky. 

At least you know how much you're getting 

A cup of beef 

Honestly, it was really tasty. They had broth in the little white cup in the background. So it was a kind of assemble your own dinner thing... 

Why the fuck are there sesame seeds on a handful of dryer lint 

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A baking sheet with parchment that shreds when you use a knife: 


Reader comments: 

Why buy nice knives just to direct customers to scrape them against metal all day? 

I'll have the TV dinner. 

Looks like a meal I’d get in prison... 

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Butter served on a rock: 


Reader comments: 

God damn these butter stones.. they’re so unnecessary 

Why 

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Risotto, wine and urm.. pebbles? 


Reader comments: 

Complimentary gravel! Faaaaancy. 

The empty wine bottle being used as a bowl? is really cool but I’m a clumsy person and I’d probably end up hitting the side too hard with my spoon and cracking it or something. 

The other worry was eating a stone. 

These bottles are so god damn dumb. 

Risotto is such an easy dish to plate nicely. This looks like crap. 

I consider pebbles to be irregular spheroids. Chipped rock like that is gravel, isn't it? 

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Butter served on a rock in Michelin Star restaurant: 


Reader comments:

Imagine your first job as a dishwasher there..."Bro, you want me to wash rocks?" 

Imagine actually trying to sanitize every nook and cranny on a fucking rock tho... 

it's not like you have to wash dishes by hand. Just through them in the machine and let it do the work. 

You just throw it through the dishwasher wtf are you talking about. It's butter dude 

What part of “fine dining” calls for a butter stone? Sorry for being a peasant 

You probably don't know what the three seashells are for either. 

The more your meal presentations invoke the feeling of being a caveman or a tribesman, the more Michelin stars you get. 

Usually they're large smooth pebbles. The textures on this are off putting. 

Rock and Rolls... 

Having recently found this sub I am horrified at the idea that someone would pay a premium to eat like they are poor or camping in the wilderness. 

Even camping in the wilderness, you wouldn’t smear your butter all over a rock 

Man I knew I was doing something wrong. Seems so obvious in hindsight 

For those about to rock, we saute you. 

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My friend ordered a dessert: 


Reader comments: 

Not just the plating... But the entire thing just looks... vulgar. 

That’s disgusting and I never say that 

What is this shredded meat pudding? 

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Dig in . . . 


Reader comments: 

Thank god they put the shovel on a plate. 

They knew...... 

Jesus 

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A friend in Budapest sent me this: 


Reader comments: 

Now this is prime material for this sub. A scratchy rock with no ledges to hold in syrup? Sounds perfect. 

It's even fake scratchy rock. Imitation plastic. Very popular among hipster places in Central Europe. 

The syrup dripping on thr table is killing me 🀣🀣 

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“Here’s your beef, sir . . .” 


Reader comments: 

You misunderstood the aussie who asked you to throw a steak on the barbie didn't you? 

This one is very common in China, you don't eat from this plate, you take each piece of beef and put it on a grill or in a hot pot. This one a "normal" plate would be the same without the stupid doll 

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So close . . . 


Reader comments: 

Lol... shishito peppers need to be deep fried before you eat them. Just plopping them on a plate will taste like raw bell pepper. 

I hope you didn’t pay for this. 

What am I looking at? 

Peppers with an aioli of some kind on 2/3rds of a plate. 

Are plain peppers on 2/3rds of a plate considered an appetizer? 

1st course of our 5 course meal so I guess so? 

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Ordered a “mystery lunch” at my favorite local breakfast/lunch spot. It came in a lunch box with snacks and a Capri Sun. 


Reader comments: 

With a name like mystery lunch, I can’t imagine what you were expecting 

I assumed it would just be a regular sandwich from their menu,, served on a plate. 

You left out the best part! It’s in a Monsters Inc lunchbox! 

Did you get to keep the lunch box? 

No, I wish! 

How much was it? 

$10. That included the sandwich (turkey&cheese on white), Capri Sun, fruit snacks, a pretzels w/cheese, and a rice crispy treat! 

Not bad, the sandwich had fresh turkey (not deli meat) and they didn’t skimp on the turkey. 

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Candied bacon over a small campfire of rosemary held up by plumbing parts and wire from Lowe’s. 


Reader comments: 

Torched Rosemary was very much a thing in trendy restaurants a few years ago. It kinda smells like weed, so it usually had a tongue-in-cheek wink wink implication. 

I would honestly find it hard not to laugh if this was presented to me. 

They hit it with a blow torch, we did laugh 

It's not even like it's cooked in that manner, they just take each piece of oven bacon and affix it to the hangers after for plating. It makes literally no sense. 

And that doesn't even look like quality bacon to serve and "make fancy" as a appetizer option in the first place. 

At least do something special with high quality bacon if you insist on looking like chodes. 

Normally it’s hung like that because it’s candied bacon and they torch it at the table. It’s definitely way overpriced because it’s an “experience” 

Did anyone notice that the base looks suspiciously like a piece of pressure treated decking? Not something I want anywhere near my food or on my table. 

That was my first thought too. Definitely looks like a DIY project, wouldn't put it past someone to repurpose some scraps from a deck build. 

Would love to see their faces as someone picks up a saucer, rips the bacon from it, puts the bacon on, sets the display shite to the floor, "Now it's good." 

Chef of 25 years here, everyday I look at this sub and every time I see something like this a small part of me dies. These kitchens must have either a lot of chefs/cooks to dick around serving up these dishes or these restaurants are super quiet so these chefs/cooks have a lot of spare time to dick around doing this shit. Personally if I took a job at a restaurant and a chef/boss said "oh by the way we hang bacon of a fucking mock clothes line" I'd walk out the door in a jiffy. 

What does a cook feel in their soul when they are removing this from heat and putting this contraption together for presentation? 

I really want to one day go to a restaurant where they bring me out something like this because I truly have no idea what my reaction would be until it happens. 

This looks like some kind of cultist ritual. 

This is a lot of effort for not nearly enough food. 

I feel like this might be the silliest presentation I’ve seen on this sub yet. 

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My friend got nachos served to her on a newspaper: 


Reader comments: 

Eh, fish and chips on newspaper has been a staple for years. 

They’re burnt too. 

Nah mate, those are perfect 

I love my corn chips blackened to a crisp on the edges. 

Still looks amazing. 

That's kind of normal for greasy things. 

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Not an isolated technique . . . 



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CrΓ¨me de la crΓ¨me. Seen on TV. 


Reader comments: 

That’s fucking horrible. 

Another win for us Belgians I see 

Is that a toilet ring or what? 

Indeed. 

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Ordered The Fat Boy Boy burger was not expecting this. A doughnut with potatoes and an egg inside all on a tree stump. 


Reader comments: 

That looks disgusting. 

Why would they cut such a pathetically small burger in half? That's like cutting a slider in half lmao 

What shitty restaurant is this? 

That looks so fucking gross 

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We want knives . . . 


Reader comments: 

Scissors are very common dining utensils used in various parts of the world. And honestly, they’re usually more practical to use than a traditional knife 

I really don’t quite see how it’s practical in this particular case; I feel like it would be so much messier to pick up this pizza to cut it using scissors than to cut it with a good ole fork and knife 

That’s supposed to be Pizza!??? 

What monster eats pizza with a fork and knife? 

My best friend’s boyfriend visited the US (he is from Sweden) and he eats pizza with a fork and knife. Just depends on where you are 

I need some sort of elaboration on this. What are you supposed to cut with those giant ass scissors? They look too heavy/unbalanced to even be useful. 

I think Koreans use scissors to cut their food 

As does this Dutchman. Some stores here sell scissors here with little trays, so your slice doesn't fall off or something. 

I mean, aren't scissors just two knives on a pivot? 

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Up to their old tricks. Serving food on an enamel sign. 
#Justsaynotoleadpaint! 


Reader comments: 

That's a reproduction sign. No lead in this one. It's basically just an image printed onto a steel sheet. 

Food grade it is not 

Maybe not, but for a few deep fried chicken nuggets, you're not picking up any "toxins". There's nothing acidic enough to leach anything off of the print into your food. 

I'm more upset about the kid cuisine quality chicken nuggets? I mean if I wanted ground chicken stamped into shapes I'd throw some in the fucking toaster oven 

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Shrimp and octopus served on a mirror . . . 


Reader comments: 

It just like looks hideous like this. Mirrors are for snorting off, not eating off. 

You’re supposed to snort this. 

I’ve done it, hurts a lot. 

I imagine the tails are just a killer. 

Would have made sense if it was a dessert with icing sugar dumped all over it. 

Because what could be better than seeing up your own nose while you eat? 

I really needed to see this. My life is complete. 

At least you’re not reminded how fat you are until you’ve finished eating... 

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My friend was served a single potato on a tiny chair: 


Reader comments: 

Holy crap that may be the best one yet. 

If you order a bigger portion do they put them on a couch? 

Couch potatoes 

Suite Potato 

They should have served in an electric chair – it would be fried potato! 

Hold you small chair to someone’s glass and say “CHAIRS 🍻“ 

I want to know the price of this. 

$90 for 5 “course meal”. A single potato being one of the courses... 

You just don't see many root vegetables on furniture anymore. 

This was at a French restaurant in South Korea 

What is the name of this place? Did your friend enjoy the food/experience? 

He said the food was really good and he enjoyed it. 

Do you know the name of the place? 

Le Cochon. Seoul south Korea. Michelin 1 star French restaurant. Have fun concept. Fine portion for a meal. Foods where good but I wished some of the course had more portion. The waiter was well trained with food explanation and had good service. Price felt okay considering taste, sevice, imported ingredients, expensive land, and a Michelin star. It was disappointing when they didn't gave me the small chair... 

Honestly, these higher-end restaurants are such a troll. Everything they come up with is straight out of the Hunger Games and weird for weird's sake. 

Did he get to keep the chair? 

Nope, I didn’t... 

Gross, it's essentially impossible to sterilize wood. 

I'm learning a lot of cool stuff about wooden cutting boards, thanks! 

However, something tells me this restaurant does not keep it's little chairs to the same standards as cutting board cleaning.


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